A couple weeks ago my friend V successfully prodded me into joining Tinder. I currently live far away from “home” and being a newbie to this small town, I thought maybe Tinder could help me find new friends if not more. You know, more.
Obviously I encountered some hurdles, one of which was the fact that I still have an iPhone 4s which barely has any memory space left. Downloading a new app, therefore, means getting rid of others. So I took Step 1 and deleted Guitar Tuna in favor of Tinder.
But the bigger issue was far worse than owning a dinosaur phone: I didn’t have a Tinder-worthy picture! You see, friends, I’m really not into social media. WordPress is the social-est social medium that I have and I only have two—the other being Facebook. And I don’t even have a profile photo on Facebook!
So I scoured my tagged photos on FB to no avail. Most of them were group pictures from outings or tagged posters of university events. I asked photographer friends if they have pictures of me and most of the ones they sent back were candid photos. They’re basically frames of me captured mid-conversation, mouth intensely frozen in some awkward position. Not flattering at all.
I eventually found one picture, used it on Tinder, but deleted the app soon after I realized that it made me feel gross. I felt bad every time I swiped left. It was shallow and judgmental and I figured that by putting myself out there, I was also at the receiving end of such obnoxious superficiality. Ang daming chaka. They may not be creepy in real life but “creepy” was the word I used when I reported back to V and told him that I didn’t even last 5 minutes on the app.
That was weeks ago and I couldn’t care less about it anymore. In fact I realized that I really, really hate having to go outside for other people. B, a classmate who also happens to live in this new town, has been inviting me to do shit but ugh, I just don’t feel like hanging out. It’s so synthetic. I hate having to come up with topics to talk about, having to fake laughter, having to act polite. I guess I’m just not built for socializing with people who don’t hate the same things that I hate. But I digress.
While my brief stint at Tinder is now a thing of the past, I still feel uncomfortable about the fact that I don’t have cute pictures of myself. Everyone on Facebook seems to have fancy, non-selfie profile pictures except for me. Is this an off-shoot of my being a homebody?
But even so, even when I’m out with friends, I still don’t ask them to take pictures of me. I’m usually one of the few peeps with a camera but still, how do I ask people to take my photos? Umm, hey, could you please take a pic of me but make it low-key so people don’t stare at me and your lens doesn’t feel like it’s capturing all my deepest pores and insecurities? Please?
Do people not have a problem with having their photos taken? Are they just not scared of asking others to take pictures of them? From where do they gather such confidence?
Ayayay buhay. This is a first world problem, I know. Something that isn’t even worthy of taking up space in other people’s brains. But we’re living in world so prone to oversharing so allow me to share my self-indulgent thoughts instead—I guess they’re miles better than sharing my face.